Who To Choose?
by Nothing In Blood
Summary: one shot Sometimes a story just writes itself. Squee has finally snapped and you, the reader are lucky enough to hear his every thought as it happens. Very foul language, mentions of violence and rape. Might induce insane behavior. You have been warned


_In recent years, the number of teenage suicide has increased tenfold due to the over abundance of pornography and violent video games. This gives parents and doctors' reason for concern as this number has no way of dropping. Some available treatments are…are…_

Fuck this. I can't think anymore. My brain is coming apart! It's rotting my skull! God! I just wanna..I just wanna….. **God**!

I can't believe that one thing that made me different form everyone else was ripped away by him. BY HIM! All those times in school when I thought I was different, I should have cherished it. **Cherished it!** I'll never get that feeling again! I'm tainted!

My sweet innocence. That what they all feared. Despite all the evil around me, I was pure. Even Johnny saw that in me. He never hurt me, and that is why. But Damn it its GONE! I was the only one to still hold onto the purity in middle and into high school. Everyone else was getting drunk of there perverse and evil ways, but I remained sober and focused, trying to avoid it as much as I could. Even Pepito loved me enough to never harm me and kept the demons his father had in check. I was no saint, but I was clean hearted….then, that night….

**Damn it!** _I can't get it out of my head!_ It's like a sick funny house movie with distorted pictures and sounds, and the feels so intense… I feel like is happening all over again. FUCK! GET it out of my head! Why must I always see it?!?!? LEAVE ME ALONE!

I let him do it to me. I didn't fight him hard enough. I was young and strong but I didn't fight him! I'm such a fucking whore for not stopping him! He only pinned me from the back, I didn't fucking stop him! that fucking excuse for a father wasn't that big, I could have thrown him, but I must have fucking _liked _it because I didn't, I let him just fuck right threw my anal cherry!...God!

They all knew as soon as I stepped into that classroom, they all knew. My innocence was gone. They looked at me with there teeth bared. All those tears and blood had been wiped clean but they saw them. Even Pepito just stared at me as I took my place in the back. They all knew! _How did they all know!_ Even Johnny wanted nothing to do with me. He looked at me for one second from my bedroom window, then took out his knife and held it in his open hand. He stared at for far too long before looking back up at me. He stared into my soul and saw my sin! My fucking Sin! I was sure he was going to kill me. I wanted him to kill me. Why didn't you kill me, Johnny?! Why didn't you just end my suffering? But he didn't.

"I'm not coming back. Don't come to my house. I'll kill you. You have become one of then now." And he walked away. I haven't seen him since!

Even Shmee has stopped his trauma sponge help. He won't shut up.! Shut THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BEAR! I _know _I'm disgusting! I _know_ I'm worthless! I know I'm a sinner! SHUT UP! I can't take it anymore!

Everyone has abandoned me. My fucking mother laughed when I finally got the courage to tell her, she fucking laughed. That whore! I'm just like her! She brought him into the room and asked him, and he smiled, that toothy disgusting smile showing rotting teeth and gums, and happily said that he didn't do anything of the sort. And that cunt believed him!

_**Him**_. God do I hate him. I wanna ripped his fucking BALLS OFF! He insists that I flirted with him, and begged him for it. I was more then willing…SHUT UP YOU FUCKING BEAR! I tried to fight. I tired, didn't I? I didn't try hard enough….

Stupid up Shmee! Please!! I… _can't take it anymore_….

I can't take it anymore. I can't take this guilt and sin on my soul anymore! I have to do something. This gun is too heavy to just keep in my lap under my notebook anymore. It's been resting so carefully against my ankle. It's so cold on the one side but so warm on the side.

I hate myself. But I hate him more. What to do. Do I end my life now, sinner from that basterd, and let him live in this life, free of guilt with that sick twisted smile his face, insisting that I loved it, as I rot in my bed? Or do I creep into the fuckers room, smack him with the gun a few dozen times to wake him up, and point that barrel right between his eyes, and pull that trigger, blowing his brain all over that uncaring wife and seal my spot in hell? I'm not sure.

Do I let my pain end now, begging Jesus for help, or do I send that basterd to hell now, and hope Pepito has a spot set for me later?

Who to choose?


End file.
